I’ve been doing my new year breakthrough coaching calls and it is amazing how many people struggle with the same stuff… including me.
Most people I talk with are stuck. I specialize in getting them unstuck. We breakthrough whatever it is that has them held back, slowed down, or stopped from getting what they really want.
A big trigger that starts the chain reaction of “stuckness” is comparing oneself to others.
When is comparing oneself to others a good thing?
When one is looking for someone to model.
When is comparing oneself to another, a bad thing?
When we look at what someone else has and then look at ourselves as not enough.
What I do is untangle the ball of yarn that has the person stuck. For many, it all started with comparing in an unhealthy way.
Here’s what the ball of tangled yarn may look like for some untangled.
1. Why are all my friends millionaires and I’m not? The question presupposes lack, scarcity,inadequacy,etc.
2. The mind answers the question with “because you are not enough”.
3. Now the mind starts to find supportive evidence because that’s its job.
4. You are not enough because you were abandoned as a child, you don’t have a proper education, you don’t have support, etc.
5. Pressure builds in the head and chest area.
6. Regret creeps in and now gets stacked and added to the entanglement which triggers some shame… If I just took the time to work hard like my millionaire friends I would have what they have!
7. Another question pops up… why didn’t I work hard?!
8. The mind’s job is to ask and answer questions so it finds answers to support the question… because you are a lazy, dumb, fat, a knuckle head, etc.
9. More pressure builds in the head, chest and now in the back area so much so something has to change now!
10. Time to attack the refrigerator with vengeance to release all this internal pressure.
11. As one eats, the thoughts are, “I’ll deal with this tomorrow. It will be different. I will turn this around”.
12. Tomorrow comes and it’s “rinse and repeat” of the above recipe of stuckness.
After a while of doing the above consciously, the subconscious gets trained to do it all by itself. Just like we brush our teeth with not much conscious effort. Now we have a problem!
I’ve meet people running a stuckness pattern for years. One woman I met was running one for 25 years!
The key to avoiding such a mess is to catch it at the trigger. For many, the trigger is comparing oneself to others in a negative way. When one finds oneself doing this, it’s best to counter it with saying something like “Yes, but I am not them. I am on my own path and all is well in my world”. Or, whatever you can say that is positive for your own specific situation.
Our brain is our employee. If we make it the employer, it will always lead us to getting stuck.
We are always getting stuck in life. However the insight to be had is, life is a constant reorientation. The trick is to not get stuck for long. Easier said than done but worth mastering the “reorientation” part.