if you ever find yourself “unhappy” and wanting a shift, a good start is to stop trying to find one reason… it’s never just one thing.
I have talked to a crazy amount of people over the last 15 years and if there is one common denominator for why they are stuck, unhappy, dissatisfied, etc., it’s because there are multiple layers of value conflicts.
Living with value conflicts creates useless internal tension.
It causes us to talk right and walk left.
Bob values honesty but lies and cheats in the marketplace. As a result, he lies and cheats with “friends” and wants to know why no one wants to be his friend for long.
Sue values being a Christian while secretly having an affair with a co-worker.
Tim values health and thinks his body is his temple but when stressed out, he hits Burger King after already eating dinner.
You’d think people would be unhappy for a lack of money, living in a not so great home, etc. Yes, these can for sure be layers but under all the layers, you’ll most likely find major value conflicts.
If you geek out on human behavior as I do, you can take the elevator to a lower floor. We’re going to the basement.
Under value-conflicts is where our needs live.
Say we have a need for love and connection. It’s like our top need! What happens when Sue above can’t get it at home?
What happens when she’s presented with an opportunity to fill that need instantly and no one will know? Chances are, she’s going to violate her values.
So it’s not as easy as saying, just have integrity. We need to look at what needs we’re trying to fill and how can we do it without having our values conflict.