During the lockdown, I found myself doing lots of “coping”.
Being self-employed in an industry that is needed but not necessarily a necessity, put me in a very tough position.
Not only me but almost every business owner I know and talked with was also going out of business or on their way.
Not looking for any sympathy. I chose this path and, managing it best I can.
I understand we humans live in both worlds of coping and thriving. Some call them, “ups and downs,”.
My personal goal is to be in a “thriving” mode 80% of the time.
Thriving meaning growth.
We’re like plants, we are growing or dying.
Growth for me is, growing my business, improving my health, relationships, etc. On top of a foundation of peace. Not striving to someday be, do have, etc.
When I meet people in trouble, you can see the norm has become 80% or more just coping. It’s a slow painful ride to the end. Been there, done that, no fun.
I’ve been in some very hard times, hopeless times, desperate times, many times in life, so my heart goes out to whoever is suffering now.
The fact of the matter is, whatever state of mind we experience over time becomes a habit. Once the habit is locked in, we will fight to keep our position… right, wrong or indifferent. Scary stuff!
I recently met a person that is in 100% coping mode and for no other reason than having a horrific childhood. I can relate because I have been in 100% coping mode for the same reason which lasted a few decades.
This person is taken care of fully. Access to more resources than you or I probably have.
If you were to try to help this person, you’d be punished. “How dare you!” Very sad situation.
This person has crossed the 80% coping line and has been there for so long, it’s become the “norm”. And this is why I try my best to never “cope” for more than 20% of the time.
Coping tends to mean we are stuck and not sure about what to do, what to feel, etc. Something within as well needs processing but can’t.
So here’s what I do when I find myself coping.
I tend to do mindful cleaning. This is cleaning without all the chatter about current problems. What this does for me is free up energy that may be stuck and not moving freely.
I write about what’s bothering me. I don’t hold back even if what I am writing is childish or harsh because it’s coming from anger. Hopefully over time, whatever needs to get processed happens.
Meet with a good friend and just “vent”. Why is because when we “cope” we tend to hide it, protect it, and pretend everything is ok. Well, it’s not, and talking with someone else is very helpful as long as they know how to hold space, not try to fix us.
My go-to line is, even though I am experiencing (fill in the problem here), I deeply and completely accept myself.
I’m not “Bad, wrong, etc.”.
What I don’t do
I avoid drugging my feelings with food. Not into drugs or drink but have been known to eat a whole bag of cookies.
I don’t feel bad for me
This is not to devalue or downplay the situation but let’s face it, things can always be worse and are for millions around the world.
While coping, I still take full responsibility for my responsibilities. No one thing, place, or person I am responsible for will be neglected. Others do so but that’s just a form of punishment and there is no way I will dance that dance.
We all cope and it’s a good idea to check your pulse from time to time to make sure it’s not becoming a problem that will last decades.