When talking with clients I make it a point to say something like, thank the powers to be, this conversation is not about me because my issues make yours look like child’s play.
This always gets a good laugh then we get cracking into what’s really going on with them that’s in the way of getting their outcomes. I say this for many reasons and a big one is, the last thing I want is to be is the “hero” in the conversation. I’ll explain.
Here’s what I learned about making others our heroes.
We idolize them.
We give our power away.
We think they have special powers and we don’t.
We get sucked into the “helo effect”.
– the tendency for an impression created in one area to influence opinion in another area.
Basically, this person can’t do anything wrong or it will disrupt our image of them and it will make us wrong so we make them perfect. They are great at business, must be an amazing friend, father, communicator, etc.
Once we find out they’re just human like us, we look for chinks in their armor, then we demonize them.
While we play this game in our mind, our life, dreams, goals, etc., get neglected. The hero can become a target for any frustration that bubbles up as well.
When we set out to do work there is a tendency to compare to the hero which only leads to not much getting done because we are not the hero.
I know deep within there are drivers at play that makes us gravitate towards “heroes”, but it’s a trap.
You are the hero of your own life. If you don’t feel that way, our friend Google has made it very easy to learn anything at lightning speed. 🙂
I work at being my own hero because only I can save me.
To others, I am a friend, a voice, a facilitator, a coach, etc., but don’t want to be their hero.
Maybe I’m okay with being the hero for a moment in time but not a permanent fixture.